Monday, March 29, 2010

A fire

I sit in the cafeteria at school with a poutine to share with my friend. A bunch of us are sitting around talking. I'm starving so I just start eating, shoving fries in my mouth. I'm half way done my side of the poutine and I suddenly realize how fast I'm eating. I slow down, hoping I caught myself in time. I know better than to eat so fast. I finish up and sit there. I feel it coming. I can't even explain what that feeling is. I just KNOW.
I go to the bathroom.. false alarm. GO back to the cafeteria, sit there quietly and listen to everyone talk. Try to focus! The pain starts to surface. I know I gotta hurry. I pack up my stuff and walk quickly to the bathroom. The closest secluded one i can find. I run into the stall and throw my books on the floor. I start pulling out the toilet paper to cover the seat.. who knows who sits in here. "Why the hell do they not have toilet seat covers in bathrooms anymore?" i think to myself... that would save me so much time! My stomach is burning! It feels like someone is having a bonfire in my there!!!! I wanna curl up in the fetal position. I sit down...and here it comes...
Not in there very long, so i know its not the end. The burning is gone... for now. I decide to leave. I walk out the front door, see someone I know. They wanna start talking, but I quickly say hi but keep walking. I make a b-line for the car. I get in, I can feel the burning coming back. I drive home, quick as I can. Good thing i live so close to school! The pain is gone. I park. SHIT, i lost my parking pass. I frantically look for it. The burning has returned, FUCK IT, i need to get inside. I run in, slamming the doors behind me. Into the bathroom i go... sitting there hunched over holding my stomach in pain..... i sit there... waiting... in pain... while my body cleans itself out

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

You

I have known you for years and for some reason we met again. And since that night we have been attached. You tell me I need to leave, you tell me you will hurt me. In certain ways that may be true. I care... I care for you more than you may believe. I don't know why I care so much, maybe its because i understand you... though i do not understand everything you do, i know some of your feelings, though you do not show them. I feel so close to you because I have told you things that I have not told others because I know you don't judge, I know you understand. Things have happened, and every time I do not leave you. You wonder why, you tell me to leave, you tell me to never see you, to never talk to you. I will do whatever you want me to do, I will do it for you! I just want you to know that I care, I want you to know that I love you! You are one of my best friends.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Un-named *Written Jan 27/07*

Broken heart
Teary eyes
Sometimes hiding
Behind my disguise

Do you love me
Or do you not
Because you are all
That I have got

Holding on
By a thread
Losing you
I what i dread

I never know
How you feel
Or if our relationship
Is even real

Do tell me now
And tell me true
Do you love me
Because I love you